I'm super sad...the kind of sad that makes me not want to do anything for the rest of the day. The kind of sad where I don't want to answer the phone, eat, watch tv---anything. I'm in the type of mood where Tony couldn't even make me happy, not even by giving me the diamond ring I really want. It's terrible when things you want to happen don't. When you have something planned and it falls through. I have, well had, one of those plans. I had a dream to go out of work early and finally get some relief from the stress that is my job. I was going to use this extra time to kick up my feet and wait for the eagle to land. I wanted to make December 11th, 2010 my last day at that place forever. That's right...go on leave under FMLA (because they don't offer me maternity leave) and never go back. But today, my doctor told me that I may have to work longer, that I don't have any medical condition in which to pull me off of work any earlier than necessary. I guess I should consider myself lucky to have had no complications whatsoever throughout this beautiful journey, but you don't know what I deal with on a daily basis at this place. I just want to vent about it.
What kind of place takes over a new portfolio from a fairly large company more than halfway throughout the year. And without warning to its new clients, no less? Not a courtesy letter or statement was sent out as the change from one corp to another was under way. This caused so much confusion; every client I spoke to at that time complained about those two inconveniences, as well as a whole heap more. As we were converting from one bank to another, there were other issues with the customers' automatic drafts, lack of statements (to this day), multiple drafts from their bank accounts causing overdrafts, etc. My colleagues and I had a 3 day training to learn the new policies...managers and employees alike were thrown into this situation that is still a bit chaotic. No one knows what's going on, so when a client wants to talk to a manager, I always advise them my superior knows no more than I do. That's just a tip of the ice burg; I have other concerns. At the same time of learning a new company, I had to deal with switching my insurance company that had another, more steep deductible for me to meet all over again. I'm more than halfway through my pregnancy having to deal with this, mind you. We had to forfeit time off that was already requested and fight for the days all over again. In my case, I have to save my time off because the new company doesn't offer maternity leave. I've mentioned this before, so understand how much this bothers me. I go from being guaranteed 13 weeks pay---full pay-- while I'm out of work caring for Karter to 13 weeks off...4 weeks pay at just 60% of my salary, which was also cut. Anyway, to dip into my vacation time is to dip into the PTO that will save me during the 2 weeks I have to wait for the short term disability to pay me. *SIGH* ...*SIGH* again....
I know I'm better than this place. I have a degree from a 4-year university, a damn near ivy league institution! Yet, I'm stuck. Bound to a phone 8 hours a day. Watching my "utilization" on the dialer so I'm sure to be on the phones to hear the numerous complainers who want to blame me for a new company handling their car note. Well, I have a new company dictating my life and I have to deal with it. I told this one client that I don't sympathize with him because he didn't get a statement. I don't get a statement for a few of my bills and I still manage to pay them on time; "I don't get paid maternity leave now that we've converted, sir. Now what can I help you with?" was my answer to him. Yea, that's totally against a proper call model at a call center, but I was fed up. I'm even more fed up that I have to spend more time there. I cried all the way to work. The entire 45 minute drive here today---late at that---I broke down. Praise God I got here safely. I'm just annoyed to have to travel that far to a place I loathe. A place that barely has a functional HR department. I know the extra time I may have to work won't be much, but it's going to seem like years unless Karter comes early. The soonest we can talk about writing me out is when I reach 39 weeks and he's not here. Then, I can induce my labor. I don't want to do that anyway, so all I can do it wait---I'm 35 weeks and 3 days now. I thought I was strong enough for this. I'm driving up and down this road to make sure I can contribute to giving my family a comfortable start. Tony's working hard through it all, but I don't want him to do it alone. Man, I would have quit a long time ago, but I need the coverage and the pay. I don't want to struggle. I feel bad that it doesn't seem like I'm trusting God enough to carry me through. I'm worried about not finding a job while I'm on leave. Worried that I might punk out and go back to the job I hate because I'm scared we won't have a means to and end. I'm worried we won't have food while I can't bring in the extra income. Concerns, concerns, concerns...that's all I have. I just want to enjoy anticipating the birth of my son, but I can't. Am I exaggerating? Could this depression I think I'm feeling be hormones? I don't know world....
This is Flyy Preggo OUT!!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Can Really We Fix It?
I talked to my dad today. I was on my way home from work and something in my gut kept telling me to go ahead and make the phone call. Now, I'm a prideful person. I think this is what stopped me from calling a long time ago; well, that and the fact that every time I thought of the situation I got too pissed to even want to hear the man's voice! I also hesitated because I wondered if he would pick up the phone first. A large part of me thought he should. (If this is your first time tuning in to my blog, you may want to go back to the "Family Tree" entry; it's a precedent to this one). Anyway, I learned so much as I started to get back into church. I realized the "feeling in my gut" was just the Holy Spirit telling me to do the right thing. This spiritual conscience invaded my dreams several nights recently, causing me to lose sleep. That's how I knew I had to call. So, I dialed the number from my celly and started the initial conversation of our mending our relationship.
I won't really go into detail, mostly because I'm still trying to process it myself. But know this: it was a good talk. I was able to apologize for the way things were said on my part, but got to maintain my position. I got to explain some things that were on my heart. He did the same. Surprisingly, there were no raised voices. I'm proud of myself for not letting my emotions take me to a point where I couldn't convey my thoughts. Yelling gets you nowhere, guys...no matter how absolutely wonderful and fulfilling it may feel. We scratched the surface of a few issues that we face and decided to work on things on a pace I'm comfortable with. We admitted there were things said in the past that were hurtful on both sides. And up until today, I've always felt like the victim when the disagreement escalated. At least now I'm willing to see his side. I still feel the same way about most of the things and still feel like most of it was messed up. I'm just glad we're to a place where we can try to talk about it. That's all he's asked for apparently. We missed each other and hope to make things work. Without getting sappy, my lovely readers, I'll just say that I'm hoping for the best. No promises, I'm still vulnerable. I still have questions....
I got to tell him about Karter. Yes, he knew I was pregnant...he just hadn't heard it from me until today. That's another things that seemed to bother him. Now, I'm not hateful. I just didn't feel like we were on that level in our relationship anymore. Didn't think he cared. He cleared that up, though. Of course, he thought that was messed up. I still can't say I'm sorry for that. Look at the circumstances! If he didn't want to be a part of my life, I was OK with letting him stay out of it. I only assumed he wanted no part of my business because he never called! Now, he knows without a shadow of a doubt that he's going to be a grandfather. He told me congratulations and everything, but everyone says that lol. I wonder if he's excited. I wonder what his thoughts were when he knew his little girl was having her own child. I mean, was it crazy to get confirmation that I was having sex? Because if he didn't know/care/wouldn't accept it then, the baby in my belly is confirmation enough. haha. I really wish this could have gone down a different way. I really do love the guy, missed him too. But I don't want to have Karter involved in a dysfunctional family feud. As much as I want my son to know my dad, I'll be damned if he'll be exposed to a "sometimey" grandad because me and him can't get our crap together! You know, I've always asked myself why God gave us this wonderful miracle. Maybe He felt it was time for me and Daddy to fix things. Look at that...an epiphany on the spot. My son's already served a wonderful purpose:)
Stay Tuned,
This is Flyy Preggo OUT!!
I won't really go into detail, mostly because I'm still trying to process it myself. But know this: it was a good talk. I was able to apologize for the way things were said on my part, but got to maintain my position. I got to explain some things that were on my heart. He did the same. Surprisingly, there were no raised voices. I'm proud of myself for not letting my emotions take me to a point where I couldn't convey my thoughts. Yelling gets you nowhere, guys...no matter how absolutely wonderful and fulfilling it may feel. We scratched the surface of a few issues that we face and decided to work on things on a pace I'm comfortable with. We admitted there were things said in the past that were hurtful on both sides. And up until today, I've always felt like the victim when the disagreement escalated. At least now I'm willing to see his side. I still feel the same way about most of the things and still feel like most of it was messed up. I'm just glad we're to a place where we can try to talk about it. That's all he's asked for apparently. We missed each other and hope to make things work. Without getting sappy, my lovely readers, I'll just say that I'm hoping for the best. No promises, I'm still vulnerable. I still have questions....
I got to tell him about Karter. Yes, he knew I was pregnant...he just hadn't heard it from me until today. That's another things that seemed to bother him. Now, I'm not hateful. I just didn't feel like we were on that level in our relationship anymore. Didn't think he cared. He cleared that up, though. Of course, he thought that was messed up. I still can't say I'm sorry for that. Look at the circumstances! If he didn't want to be a part of my life, I was OK with letting him stay out of it. I only assumed he wanted no part of my business because he never called! Now, he knows without a shadow of a doubt that he's going to be a grandfather. He told me congratulations and everything, but everyone says that lol. I wonder if he's excited. I wonder what his thoughts were when he knew his little girl was having her own child. I mean, was it crazy to get confirmation that I was having sex? Because if he didn't know/care/wouldn't accept it then, the baby in my belly is confirmation enough. haha. I really wish this could have gone down a different way. I really do love the guy, missed him too. But I don't want to have Karter involved in a dysfunctional family feud. As much as I want my son to know my dad, I'll be damned if he'll be exposed to a "sometimey" grandad because me and him can't get our crap together! You know, I've always asked myself why God gave us this wonderful miracle. Maybe He felt it was time for me and Daddy to fix things. Look at that...an epiphany on the spot. My son's already served a wonderful purpose:)
Stay Tuned,
This is Flyy Preggo OUT!!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
In the homestretch...
I had an appointment today. It was my first one without Tony; he had to go to work:( It sucked because I had to get a shot today...in my butt cheek. I forget what it's called, but it's to protect Karter and me as our blood mixes. Since I'm a negative blood type, I had to get it to make sure we're healthy...at least that's how I understood it. I got to ask a lot of questions today. I had a lot of the things figured out since our last visit. I found a pediatrician, decided who will carry Karter on their insurance, and even got a brand new crib on the way from Tony's mom! So, I feel like I have a lot of things under control. But the truth is I'm deathly afraid...
Remember I told you I'm a planner to the core? I knew there would be a day when I realized that preparation just wouldn't be good enough. Giving birth is the most unpredictable event in life. I think that's the first thing that mortifies me. I don't know where I'm going to be or how it's going to feel when it all goes down. It's like waiting for Jesus to come back, man! What if I'm driving alone someplace and I'm hit with a contraction? Even worse, what if I'm at work and my water breaks? Now, recall that I work about and hour away from home. I plan to work until I can't anymore---only becuase of this acquisition I just underwent at work. The coverage sucks and there's no maternity leave. So needless to say, my plan is to work as close to the due date as possible so I can maximize my time out...at least I'm entitled to FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act). Anyway, I'm thinking of other things like going to the bathroom and not even knowing the water broke and then getting up and seeing Karter swimming in the toilet! It's crazy, I know...I'm exaggerating. But the surprise of labor is the biggest issue I have with this whole thing. I tried to get an idea of what the contraction will feel like, but my doctor couldn't really explain. Maybe she didn't want to get into it because these things vary per woman. Maybe she didn't want to scare me. It's too late, though. I've heard horror stories more frequently lately. I think I have a sign on me that says: "PLEASE SHARE YOUR CHILDBIRTH EXPERIENCE WITH ME"; it must be invisible because I don't see this on my forehead when I look in the mirror every morning. Crazy...I mean, I don't care that you were ripped front to back and had to get staples because your baby was 13 pounds at birth. I don't care to hear that you were in labor for 3 days and THEN your doctor decided to give you a C-Section. I kid you not, guys. People love to talk to me about this stuff. I just grimace and listen to as much as I can. When the stories are done, they always end with "But he will be the best thing that ever happened to you". All I can think about it the unforgettable image they just gave me. I was also telling my doctor today that I don't have a clue how to deliver a kid; she just told me that most women don't their first time around. But I really meant that I'm nervous because I don't think I'll have time for a childbirthing class. I want to take one, desperately...it's all a part of "the plan". I hope to get into one, at least so it can ease my anxiety!
On top of it all, I'm getting tired of being pregnant. I love my son, but it's getting harder. I think I mentioned that I have been hit with the common ailments we pregnant women deal with. It seems like all mine came at the last minute. It's not fair! I can't eat like I want because all of my food stays in my chest...all due to my stomach shrinking. I have to shift positions several times a day to get comfortable, whether I'm sitting or sleeping or standing. I had the WORST charlie horse in my leg the other night and the leg cramps are becoming more frequent. Babycenter.com tells me I'm in the homestretch, being 30 weeks. I hope this time flies because my boobs are heavy too. I've always wanted them to be larger, lol...but I'm not into this anymore. It's not like I can go wear a sexy tee to show them off, right? Karter's so active, and I love it. Even though sometimes it hurts, at least by now I've figured out his cycle. And by him abusing my ribs, at least I know he's ok. I'm counting the days, guys...he'll be here soon and when he is I can go back to being normal again. I think I'll be able to bounce back, don't you? lol
THIS IS FLYY PREGGO, OUT!
Remember I told you I'm a planner to the core? I knew there would be a day when I realized that preparation just wouldn't be good enough. Giving birth is the most unpredictable event in life. I think that's the first thing that mortifies me. I don't know where I'm going to be or how it's going to feel when it all goes down. It's like waiting for Jesus to come back, man! What if I'm driving alone someplace and I'm hit with a contraction? Even worse, what if I'm at work and my water breaks? Now, recall that I work about and hour away from home. I plan to work until I can't anymore---only becuase of this acquisition I just underwent at work. The coverage sucks and there's no maternity leave. So needless to say, my plan is to work as close to the due date as possible so I can maximize my time out...at least I'm entitled to FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act). Anyway, I'm thinking of other things like going to the bathroom and not even knowing the water broke and then getting up and seeing Karter swimming in the toilet! It's crazy, I know...I'm exaggerating. But the surprise of labor is the biggest issue I have with this whole thing. I tried to get an idea of what the contraction will feel like, but my doctor couldn't really explain. Maybe she didn't want to get into it because these things vary per woman. Maybe she didn't want to scare me. It's too late, though. I've heard horror stories more frequently lately. I think I have a sign on me that says: "PLEASE SHARE YOUR CHILDBIRTH EXPERIENCE WITH ME"; it must be invisible because I don't see this on my forehead when I look in the mirror every morning. Crazy...I mean, I don't care that you were ripped front to back and had to get staples because your baby was 13 pounds at birth. I don't care to hear that you were in labor for 3 days and THEN your doctor decided to give you a C-Section. I kid you not, guys. People love to talk to me about this stuff. I just grimace and listen to as much as I can. When the stories are done, they always end with "But he will be the best thing that ever happened to you". All I can think about it the unforgettable image they just gave me. I was also telling my doctor today that I don't have a clue how to deliver a kid; she just told me that most women don't their first time around. But I really meant that I'm nervous because I don't think I'll have time for a childbirthing class. I want to take one, desperately...it's all a part of "the plan". I hope to get into one, at least so it can ease my anxiety!
On top of it all, I'm getting tired of being pregnant. I love my son, but it's getting harder. I think I mentioned that I have been hit with the common ailments we pregnant women deal with. It seems like all mine came at the last minute. It's not fair! I can't eat like I want because all of my food stays in my chest...all due to my stomach shrinking. I have to shift positions several times a day to get comfortable, whether I'm sitting or sleeping or standing. I had the WORST charlie horse in my leg the other night and the leg cramps are becoming more frequent. Babycenter.com tells me I'm in the homestretch, being 30 weeks. I hope this time flies because my boobs are heavy too. I've always wanted them to be larger, lol...but I'm not into this anymore. It's not like I can go wear a sexy tee to show them off, right? Karter's so active, and I love it. Even though sometimes it hurts, at least by now I've figured out his cycle. And by him abusing my ribs, at least I know he's ok. I'm counting the days, guys...he'll be here soon and when he is I can go back to being normal again. I think I'll be able to bounce back, don't you? lol
THIS IS FLYY PREGGO, OUT!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
CATCHING UP...
So, it's been a while folks, but I'm busy with life---lol. I think my last entry, I got emotional while writing the letter to the unborn Karter! But a lot has happened since then; I don't even know where to begin...
I started a new journey in my life: living with my boyfriend of 4 years! Yea, we finally did it and now we're sharing a lease. We rented a cozy duplex in my hometown of Columbia, SC and I couldn't be happier to be home. It was a long road to get here---my credit's pretty jacked, so it took us until right before my last lease was up to be approved. But I've made a goal for myself to get that together. That way I can buy a home and Jr. can have a yard to play in by the time he's able to run around! I was stressing so much about bringing my family together that I hardly ate. I felt like a horrible mother for starving my child, but he's fine; that was me being extra:) But really, I lost sleep and was on edge constantly. I couldn't understand why all of my efforts weren't paying off. Just when I gave it to God, things started rolling smoothly. We got the place and had the resources for me to relocate! Now that I'm here, the main concern is the list of things I have to do to prepare for my son.
At my last doctor's visit, we were told that I was halfway at that point. I have so much to do since I'm now 6 mos in this game! She brought to my attention that we have to think about if we want Karter circumcised (yes); what he will wear home from the hospital ( when I thought a onsie would be provided!); where he will go for check ups ( I don't know any pediatricians here, well--at all); who will carry him on their insurance---me or Tony? I mean this list is extensive and I'm a planner to the core, so this has to go perfectly. I am even considering natural child birth, although it's something I fear worse than death! I just understand it's faster than using medication and I'm all for gettin in and getting him out. I seriously need someone to put a check list together though, because I'm going insane.
On top of all of this, I'm finally starting to feel the ailments most pregnancies bring about. It's been smooth sailing for more than halfway through! But lately I'm feeling the extra fatigue (which isn't improving since I commute about 45 minutes to work each day), lower back pain, and SWOLLEN FEET:( I don't have ankles anymore, guys and it totally hurts to stand up now. I'm already an emotional person, but I'm feeling hormonal lately. I cried when Tony bit me the other day and we were just playing! *SIGH* And speaking of this beautiful man I love, don't you know I get no mercy when I complain about my aching body?? It's unheard of to me that he wants to "build character" for Karter via my uncomfort. I love him, but I'm going to be needing nightly foot rubs soon---no joke. I guess that I should be thankful that he's a good roommate. I'll just take the cooking and cleaning he does, for now:) Remember when I thought I'd be wearing pumps til I "can't no more", lol....well, I can't. I feel unproportioned/weird-looking when I laced up the strappys 2 weekends ago when we went to a movie. I miss them, but it doesn't matter. I can't fit the shoes I have now anyway. I even tried to go find some sensible shoes to wear as I was shopping for MATERNITY CLOTHES!! Yea, that's another thing I said I wouldn't do. Alas, Mother Nature gave me no choice in the matter. I bought these pants with the huge band that covers my tummy---they make me hot; the other pair I bought have this itchy elastic on them. I had to get a size bigger to give me room to grow, so now they sag:( It's terrible...
I don't have to deal with these issues for long, so I'm not trippin. I'm just thankful for the miracle God's given me and Tony. We can't wait until he arrives, then the real fun will begin right? YAY:)
This is FLYY PREGGO, OUT!!
I started a new journey in my life: living with my boyfriend of 4 years! Yea, we finally did it and now we're sharing a lease. We rented a cozy duplex in my hometown of Columbia, SC and I couldn't be happier to be home. It was a long road to get here---my credit's pretty jacked, so it took us until right before my last lease was up to be approved. But I've made a goal for myself to get that together. That way I can buy a home and Jr. can have a yard to play in by the time he's able to run around! I was stressing so much about bringing my family together that I hardly ate. I felt like a horrible mother for starving my child, but he's fine; that was me being extra:) But really, I lost sleep and was on edge constantly. I couldn't understand why all of my efforts weren't paying off. Just when I gave it to God, things started rolling smoothly. We got the place and had the resources for me to relocate! Now that I'm here, the main concern is the list of things I have to do to prepare for my son.
At my last doctor's visit, we were told that I was halfway at that point. I have so much to do since I'm now 6 mos in this game! She brought to my attention that we have to think about if we want Karter circumcised (yes); what he will wear home from the hospital ( when I thought a onsie would be provided!); where he will go for check ups ( I don't know any pediatricians here, well--at all); who will carry him on their insurance---me or Tony? I mean this list is extensive and I'm a planner to the core, so this has to go perfectly. I am even considering natural child birth, although it's something I fear worse than death! I just understand it's faster than using medication and I'm all for gettin in and getting him out. I seriously need someone to put a check list together though, because I'm going insane.
On top of all of this, I'm finally starting to feel the ailments most pregnancies bring about. It's been smooth sailing for more than halfway through! But lately I'm feeling the extra fatigue (which isn't improving since I commute about 45 minutes to work each day), lower back pain, and SWOLLEN FEET:( I don't have ankles anymore, guys and it totally hurts to stand up now. I'm already an emotional person, but I'm feeling hormonal lately. I cried when Tony bit me the other day and we were just playing! *SIGH* And speaking of this beautiful man I love, don't you know I get no mercy when I complain about my aching body?? It's unheard of to me that he wants to "build character" for Karter via my uncomfort. I love him, but I'm going to be needing nightly foot rubs soon---no joke. I guess that I should be thankful that he's a good roommate. I'll just take the cooking and cleaning he does, for now:) Remember when I thought I'd be wearing pumps til I "can't no more", lol....well, I can't. I feel unproportioned/weird-looking when I laced up the strappys 2 weekends ago when we went to a movie. I miss them, but it doesn't matter. I can't fit the shoes I have now anyway. I even tried to go find some sensible shoes to wear as I was shopping for MATERNITY CLOTHES!! Yea, that's another thing I said I wouldn't do. Alas, Mother Nature gave me no choice in the matter. I bought these pants with the huge band that covers my tummy---they make me hot; the other pair I bought have this itchy elastic on them. I had to get a size bigger to give me room to grow, so now they sag:( It's terrible...
I don't have to deal with these issues for long, so I'm not trippin. I'm just thankful for the miracle God's given me and Tony. We can't wait until he arrives, then the real fun will begin right? YAY:)
This is FLYY PREGGO, OUT!!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Letter to Jr...
Dear Junior,
It's been about four months since I found out about you. And when I did, let me say it threw me and your daddy for a small loop. But we were happy, nonetheless. The first thing I couldn't wait to find out about you is what your sex is...were you going to be a girl or a boy? So, we waited through all those boring doctor visits where they let us ask questions and told us what I shouldn't eat to hurt you and all of that. The highlight up until today was hearing your heartbeat every month and seeing you when you were the size of a little pea...
But today, we saw how much you've grown. Your grandma, uncle, and godmother were there and it was their first time seeing you do anything. The first shot of you was you chillin, it's what you do best:) I saw that you have all of your bones; you have your hands and feet. Your little legs look so cute. I think you're going to have your daddy's head and nose. You're brain is shaping up to be a genius like you're mommy:) Just when I thought about how lonely you must be in there, we all got to watch you play with your feet. You're a flexible little something! We saw you opening and closing your little mouth. The tech says you're swallowing the fluid around you, but she says it's ok. I didn't realize you do so much in there. The most exciting part was finally finding out that you're going to be a little man! You should have seen Daddy's face when we saw your private parts (the tech called it outdoor plumbing, lol). He smiled the whole time, didn't say much though. Knowing you're daddy though, I could tell he is happy. You'll learn that he's not a man of many words and if you turn out that way, it's ok. Sometimes it's better to say less. Regardless, you'll be a nice mixture of the two of us. Hopefully we'll raise you to know when to speak....I'm working on that too. So, by the time you get here I'll be able to lead by example:)
Daddy and I are already working together to figure out how we'll raise you. Now that we know you're a boy, he's got some plans for you. Whatever it is, remember he still loves you. It just that he wants you to grow up to be a strong man! Personally, I can't wait to see you run your first touchdown or shoot the first winning goal on the basketball court. But, remember I don't mind if you want to join the band or become an artist. You can do anything you want to do, Karter. Oh, and that's your name. It took a while to finally name you, but that goes to show you that me and your daddy are growing. We're working hard to make sure your arrival is seamless and that you will have everything you need. But bare with us, we're still trying to make sure we have the basics down. By the time you get here, we'll know how to change you, burp you, feed you. I'll even have baby CPR down; that's just in case you choke on something you have no business putting in your mouth!
After seeing you today, I totally forgot how sometimes I get frustrated that I can't fit my clothes or any other small thing that comes with carrying you. But I'll remember this day for the rest of my life and I know this is the first of many times you'll make me and your daddy smile. We can't wait to meet you! And now, I feel you kicking so I'm going to get us something good to eat.
Love,
Mommy...
It's been about four months since I found out about you. And when I did, let me say it threw me and your daddy for a small loop. But we were happy, nonetheless. The first thing I couldn't wait to find out about you is what your sex is...were you going to be a girl or a boy? So, we waited through all those boring doctor visits where they let us ask questions and told us what I shouldn't eat to hurt you and all of that. The highlight up until today was hearing your heartbeat every month and seeing you when you were the size of a little pea...
But today, we saw how much you've grown. Your grandma, uncle, and godmother were there and it was their first time seeing you do anything. The first shot of you was you chillin, it's what you do best:) I saw that you have all of your bones; you have your hands and feet. Your little legs look so cute. I think you're going to have your daddy's head and nose. You're brain is shaping up to be a genius like you're mommy:) Just when I thought about how lonely you must be in there, we all got to watch you play with your feet. You're a flexible little something! We saw you opening and closing your little mouth. The tech says you're swallowing the fluid around you, but she says it's ok. I didn't realize you do so much in there. The most exciting part was finally finding out that you're going to be a little man! You should have seen Daddy's face when we saw your private parts (the tech called it outdoor plumbing, lol). He smiled the whole time, didn't say much though. Knowing you're daddy though, I could tell he is happy. You'll learn that he's not a man of many words and if you turn out that way, it's ok. Sometimes it's better to say less. Regardless, you'll be a nice mixture of the two of us. Hopefully we'll raise you to know when to speak....I'm working on that too. So, by the time you get here I'll be able to lead by example:)
Daddy and I are already working together to figure out how we'll raise you. Now that we know you're a boy, he's got some plans for you. Whatever it is, remember he still loves you. It just that he wants you to grow up to be a strong man! Personally, I can't wait to see you run your first touchdown or shoot the first winning goal on the basketball court. But, remember I don't mind if you want to join the band or become an artist. You can do anything you want to do, Karter. Oh, and that's your name. It took a while to finally name you, but that goes to show you that me and your daddy are growing. We're working hard to make sure your arrival is seamless and that you will have everything you need. But bare with us, we're still trying to make sure we have the basics down. By the time you get here, we'll know how to change you, burp you, feed you. I'll even have baby CPR down; that's just in case you choke on something you have no business putting in your mouth!
After seeing you today, I totally forgot how sometimes I get frustrated that I can't fit my clothes or any other small thing that comes with carrying you. But I'll remember this day for the rest of my life and I know this is the first of many times you'll make me and your daddy smile. We can't wait to meet you! And now, I feel you kicking so I'm going to get us something good to eat.
Love,
Mommy...
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Showers and Shopping...
I went to a baby shower for one of my sorority sisters last weekend (shout out to the Lennons! and baby Gabby:)). It was really nice; the setting was a restaurant in Charlotte, NC. As guests, we sat in a quaint section at the rear of the establishment with good food and conversation; lovely parting gifts awaited us at our seats. It was really classy, of course I expect nothing less from this particular mom-to-be! Of course throughout, we played fun games...you know the kind where you can't say the word "baby" or you lose your clothes pin? Or the one where we have to unscramble baby-related words. We even had to guess how many peanut M&Ms were in this huge bottle. It was cute---although I didn't win a thing, lol. My favorite part of the shower came: gift time! I always love to see what the new moms are getting for the kids. And Danny (my soror) cleaned up. She now has a myriad of childrens' books, just like she wanted. She got clothes, diapers, hair bows, bath tubs, bibs (organic ones!), wash cloths, teething rings, toys, lullabys, bouncers...I really can't remember everything! And for the mom, breast feeding necessities and a lovely Tiffany's necklace from her husband (I know, really thoughtful right?). It was a fun time, celebrating a new addition to the family. And it got me to thinking about my shower...
I've been pondering the kind of event I want this to be. Should it be a party? Because I thought it may be fun to just have a co-ed shower, get some music and someone to man the grill. Or should it be small and quiet with the ones who are closest to me? Then at least I know people aren't coming just to be nosey, lol. You really just want those who care to help you celebrate. Should I invite Tony? Will he even want to come? Well, he's coming anyway! But I'm not the one planning this little party. Thanks to my best friend, Michele, I don't have to worry about anything but the guest list and looking cute on the day of. I want to accommodate everyone, so I'm thinking sorors are invited, friends, coworkers, family, etc. I'm looking forward to fellowshiping and celebrating...so you're all invited! lol. The other fun part is registering!
Now, I've helped register for baby items with one of my other sorority sisters. It took us about 2.5 hours to get thru the entire store, Buy Buy Baby. It's huge; imagine Bed Bath and Beyond(BBBaby's sister store), but with baby stuff wall to wall! I mean, its different "rooms" range from feeding to toys to furniture to bath to travel. You name it they've got it. And the sales associates tell you when you create a registry to go crazy with the scan gun...we sure did! I saw things in there I wouldn't even think of. The funniest thing was some little triangular cloths just big enough for a baby boy's johnson, if you know what I mean. They come about 5 in a pack, called "Pee Pee Tee Pees". So cute, kind of weird that someone would think of a small shield for the uncontrollable urine as you change your son. Then, we got to the mattress section. We ran into one of the sales associates who knew anything and everything about bedding and such. She was like the Bubba Gump of sleep items for babies. I learned soooo much about mattresses---whether the mattress is made of springs or foam; the different sizes that may or may not grow with the child; the cribs and beds that fit the mattress, which also have to fit the baby. She told us to consider the allergens that may be present in the mattress alone and within the thread counts of sheets. I mean, she went on for a good 45 minutes about this stuff. I just stood there and thought about how much it costs to keep up with all of this when the kid grows. When I was coming up, I'm sure my parents didn't think of these things---my brother and I turned out fine! I digress. I'm thinking of the things I don't want to look stupid for. The things you may look at me crazy for when you go pick up Jr.'s gifts, lol. Just don't judge me for the 50 page registry, lol. This is just another fun-filled part of being pregnant:)
Tony's homegirl plans to throw him a "man -shower". I've never heard of anything like it. All we know is that it'll involve cognac and cigars--no, Tony doesn't smoke...but I find it another opportunity to rack up on diapers! lol. All of these plans have to wait of course; Jr.'s sex will be discovered next month, so stay tuned. In the meantime, you can buy a pack of denim diapers like my homie Afton already did! lol
This is Flyy Preggo, OUT!
I've been pondering the kind of event I want this to be. Should it be a party? Because I thought it may be fun to just have a co-ed shower, get some music and someone to man the grill. Or should it be small and quiet with the ones who are closest to me? Then at least I know people aren't coming just to be nosey, lol. You really just want those who care to help you celebrate. Should I invite Tony? Will he even want to come? Well, he's coming anyway! But I'm not the one planning this little party. Thanks to my best friend, Michele, I don't have to worry about anything but the guest list and looking cute on the day of. I want to accommodate everyone, so I'm thinking sorors are invited, friends, coworkers, family, etc. I'm looking forward to fellowshiping and celebrating...so you're all invited! lol. The other fun part is registering!
Now, I've helped register for baby items with one of my other sorority sisters. It took us about 2.5 hours to get thru the entire store, Buy Buy Baby. It's huge; imagine Bed Bath and Beyond(BBBaby's sister store), but with baby stuff wall to wall! I mean, its different "rooms" range from feeding to toys to furniture to bath to travel. You name it they've got it. And the sales associates tell you when you create a registry to go crazy with the scan gun...we sure did! I saw things in there I wouldn't even think of. The funniest thing was some little triangular cloths just big enough for a baby boy's johnson, if you know what I mean. They come about 5 in a pack, called "Pee Pee Tee Pees". So cute, kind of weird that someone would think of a small shield for the uncontrollable urine as you change your son. Then, we got to the mattress section. We ran into one of the sales associates who knew anything and everything about bedding and such. She was like the Bubba Gump of sleep items for babies. I learned soooo much about mattresses---whether the mattress is made of springs or foam; the different sizes that may or may not grow with the child; the cribs and beds that fit the mattress, which also have to fit the baby. She told us to consider the allergens that may be present in the mattress alone and within the thread counts of sheets. I mean, she went on for a good 45 minutes about this stuff. I just stood there and thought about how much it costs to keep up with all of this when the kid grows. When I was coming up, I'm sure my parents didn't think of these things---my brother and I turned out fine! I digress. I'm thinking of the things I don't want to look stupid for. The things you may look at me crazy for when you go pick up Jr.'s gifts, lol. Just don't judge me for the 50 page registry, lol. This is just another fun-filled part of being pregnant:)
Tony's homegirl plans to throw him a "man -shower". I've never heard of anything like it. All we know is that it'll involve cognac and cigars--no, Tony doesn't smoke...but I find it another opportunity to rack up on diapers! lol. All of these plans have to wait of course; Jr.'s sex will be discovered next month, so stay tuned. In the meantime, you can buy a pack of denim diapers like my homie Afton already did! lol
This is Flyy Preggo, OUT!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Just what I was Feeling at the Time...
I don't really have anything particular to talk about this entry. I just want to vent about my day. And I don't really blame Jr. for this, so please don't take it that way:)
I woke up this morning drained of pretty much all energy. I've been feeling that way lately. I'll try to go to bed early to make sure that I am ready to take on the day's tasks. I eat breakfast now because I'm feeding more than me. I take naps during my lunch breaks (advantages of working from home). And I hate to admit that I snack on candy in lou of an energy drink as an attempt to stay awake. None of these methods work. I thought that I may be out of the phase where I'm always tired. I've read that life should be easier now that I'm in my second trimester. "They" say most women feel at their best during this time. But maybe it works backwards for me. I didn't have morning sickness, I didn't have constipation, I didn't miss any work---it's been smooth sailing my entire pregnancy so far. But the transition into the fourth month has been hard. And, I can't blame Jr...at all. I would say the only thing that I can credit my bad mood today is the stress of whether I was going to keep my job(thankfully, I am...long story and as I am not the authorized spokesperson for the recent turn of events at my job, you won't hear it from me lol). This inner struggle of whether I should/can relocate to bring my family together is also taking its toll. Finding a job at home is coming together, but it's not as seamless as I'd like it. There are just soooo many things I'm faced with currently. Instead of taking joy in the fact that Jr.'s starting to move(which hurts by the way) and how I'll decorate my new place with Tony, I have to deal with small doubts and another major decision...
Bringing this back to the baby, Tony and I have a prenatal appointment Monday. I'll be 16 weeks by then and the doctor wants to discuss the amniocentisis test. It's a procedure they do to determine any birth defects Jr. may have like down syndrome, spinal bifida, or trisomy 18(another form of down syndrome). The fact that there could be anything that may cause my child to have a hard life is truly nerve wrecking. I don't know how I would handle the news if something did come back positive for this test. Some women get the CVS test, which is done for the same reason in the first trimester. Doing it this early gives those women time to decide if they want to abort...I know right! The decisions we women must make are tough! To add even more concern, the test itself can cause a miscarraige! I believe my doctor does it in the second trimester bc it's "safer", but what do they know? I have been doing research online to see how the amniocentisis is done and it doesn't sound fun at all. Mind you, I'll take a needle in the belly or in my girly parts for Jr. But I don't want to do anything that would harm him or her... So far, I'm against taking the test and Tony supports me in whatever. I told myself that knowing that these complications didn't run in mine or Tony's family is enough information and confirmation for me not to go through with it. But after talking to friends who were in my position once, I am a little on the fence. It would make sense to get this done so I can just know, right? So I can enjoy the rest of the pregnancy by playing with Jr. as he or she kicks me; finally finding out what Jr. really is(I know the sex Aug. 16TH); being able to buy things for Jr. and talk about a baby shower theme. If the test were to go another way, I would be worried about researching the illness and getting a head start on getting the best child care---school care even for my special needs child! It's a lot to think about on top of this transition into a new chapter into my life. It's a lot to deal with during a possible relocation. It's just a lot...almost too much. Everything seems to be weighing down on me because of the major choices I must make all at one time; but I know I can't let it stress me out.
I've been going to church lately to find the peace I've been looking for. I've found it. I'm finally starting to live with a more positive outlook. It's so hard to do that, but I know God's got me. When I got back into church, I had to realize He never left me...I've always been favored. And I've always worried for no reason. So, I'll work harder on getting rid of the latter part of the equation. I'll continue to trust and believe that whatever happens is meant to. I'll know that no matter what happens, I'm strong enough to deal with it. In the meantime, I'll try to keep my negative moodswings in check because there's no real sense in me sulking. I have an awesome God who will pull me through and turn things around for me. Yea, I feel better getting this out even if you don't read it, lol
This is Flyy Preggo, OUT!
I woke up this morning drained of pretty much all energy. I've been feeling that way lately. I'll try to go to bed early to make sure that I am ready to take on the day's tasks. I eat breakfast now because I'm feeding more than me. I take naps during my lunch breaks (advantages of working from home). And I hate to admit that I snack on candy in lou of an energy drink as an attempt to stay awake. None of these methods work. I thought that I may be out of the phase where I'm always tired. I've read that life should be easier now that I'm in my second trimester. "They" say most women feel at their best during this time. But maybe it works backwards for me. I didn't have morning sickness, I didn't have constipation, I didn't miss any work---it's been smooth sailing my entire pregnancy so far. But the transition into the fourth month has been hard. And, I can't blame Jr...at all. I would say the only thing that I can credit my bad mood today is the stress of whether I was going to keep my job(thankfully, I am...long story and as I am not the authorized spokesperson for the recent turn of events at my job, you won't hear it from me lol). This inner struggle of whether I should/can relocate to bring my family together is also taking its toll. Finding a job at home is coming together, but it's not as seamless as I'd like it. There are just soooo many things I'm faced with currently. Instead of taking joy in the fact that Jr.'s starting to move(which hurts by the way) and how I'll decorate my new place with Tony, I have to deal with small doubts and another major decision...
Bringing this back to the baby, Tony and I have a prenatal appointment Monday. I'll be 16 weeks by then and the doctor wants to discuss the amniocentisis test. It's a procedure they do to determine any birth defects Jr. may have like down syndrome, spinal bifida, or trisomy 18(another form of down syndrome). The fact that there could be anything that may cause my child to have a hard life is truly nerve wrecking. I don't know how I would handle the news if something did come back positive for this test. Some women get the CVS test, which is done for the same reason in the first trimester. Doing it this early gives those women time to decide if they want to abort...I know right! The decisions we women must make are tough! To add even more concern, the test itself can cause a miscarraige! I believe my doctor does it in the second trimester bc it's "safer", but what do they know? I have been doing research online to see how the amniocentisis is done and it doesn't sound fun at all. Mind you, I'll take a needle in the belly or in my girly parts for Jr. But I don't want to do anything that would harm him or her... So far, I'm against taking the test and Tony supports me in whatever. I told myself that knowing that these complications didn't run in mine or Tony's family is enough information and confirmation for me not to go through with it. But after talking to friends who were in my position once, I am a little on the fence. It would make sense to get this done so I can just know, right? So I can enjoy the rest of the pregnancy by playing with Jr. as he or she kicks me; finally finding out what Jr. really is(I know the sex Aug. 16TH); being able to buy things for Jr. and talk about a baby shower theme. If the test were to go another way, I would be worried about researching the illness and getting a head start on getting the best child care---school care even for my special needs child! It's a lot to think about on top of this transition into a new chapter into my life. It's a lot to deal with during a possible relocation. It's just a lot...almost too much. Everything seems to be weighing down on me because of the major choices I must make all at one time; but I know I can't let it stress me out.
I've been going to church lately to find the peace I've been looking for. I've found it. I'm finally starting to live with a more positive outlook. It's so hard to do that, but I know God's got me. When I got back into church, I had to realize He never left me...I've always been favored. And I've always worried for no reason. So, I'll work harder on getting rid of the latter part of the equation. I'll continue to trust and believe that whatever happens is meant to. I'll know that no matter what happens, I'm strong enough to deal with it. In the meantime, I'll try to keep my negative moodswings in check because there's no real sense in me sulking. I have an awesome God who will pull me through and turn things around for me. Yea, I feel better getting this out even if you don't read it, lol
This is Flyy Preggo, OUT!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
