Tuesday, November 30, 2010

My stupid job

I'm super sad...the kind of sad that makes me not want to do anything for the rest of the day. The kind of sad where I don't want to answer the phone, eat, watch tv---anything. I'm in the type of mood where Tony couldn't even make me happy, not even by giving me the diamond ring I really want. It's terrible when things you want to happen don't. When you have something planned and it falls through. I have, well had, one of those plans. I had a dream to go out of work early and finally get some relief from the stress that is my job. I was going to use this extra time to kick up my feet and wait for the eagle to land. I wanted to make December 11th, 2010 my last day at that place forever. That's right...go on leave under FMLA (because they don't offer me maternity leave) and never go back. But today, my doctor told me that I may have to work longer, that I don't have any medical condition in which to pull me off of work any earlier than necessary. I guess I should consider myself lucky to have had no complications whatsoever throughout this beautiful journey, but you don't know what I deal with on a daily basis at this place. I just want to vent about it.
What kind of place takes over a new portfolio from a fairly large company more than halfway throughout the year. And without warning to its new clients, no less? Not a courtesy letter or statement was sent out as the change from one corp to another was under way. This caused so much confusion; every client I spoke to at that time complained about those two inconveniences, as well as a whole heap more. As we were converting from one bank to another, there were other issues with the customers' automatic drafts, lack of statements (to this day), multiple drafts from their bank accounts causing overdrafts, etc. My colleagues and I had a 3 day training to learn the new policies...managers and employees alike were thrown into this situation that is still a bit chaotic. No one knows what's going on, so when a client wants to talk to a manager, I always advise them my superior knows no more than I do. That's just a tip of the ice burg; I have other concerns. At the same time of learning a new company, I had to deal with switching my insurance company that had another, more steep deductible for me to meet all over again. I'm more than halfway through my pregnancy having to deal with this, mind you. We had to forfeit time off that was already requested and fight for the days all over again. In my case, I have to save my time off because the new company doesn't offer maternity leave. I've mentioned this before, so understand how much this bothers me. I go from being guaranteed 13 weeks pay---full pay-- while I'm out of work caring for Karter to 13 weeks off...4 weeks pay at just 60% of my salary, which was also cut. Anyway, to dip into my vacation time is to dip into the PTO that will save me during the 2 weeks I have to wait for the short term disability to pay me. *SIGH* ...*SIGH* again....
I know I'm better than this place. I have a degree from a 4-year university, a damn near ivy league institution! Yet, I'm stuck. Bound to a phone 8 hours a day. Watching my "utilization" on the dialer so I'm sure to be on the phones to hear the numerous complainers who want to blame me for a new company handling their car note. Well, I have a new company dictating my life and I have to deal with it. I told this one client that I don't sympathize with him because he didn't get a statement. I don't get a statement for a few of my bills and I still manage to pay them on time; "I don't get paid maternity leave now that we've converted, sir. Now what can I help you with?" was my answer to him. Yea, that's totally against a proper call model at a call center, but I was fed up. I'm even more fed up that I have to spend more time there. I cried all the way to work. The entire 45 minute drive here today---late at that---I broke down. Praise God I got here safely. I'm just annoyed to have to travel that far to a place I loathe. A place that barely has a functional HR department. I know the extra time I may have to work won't be much, but it's going to seem like years unless Karter comes early. The soonest we can talk about writing me out is when I reach 39 weeks and he's not here. Then, I can induce my labor. I don't want to do that anyway, so all I can do it wait---I'm 35 weeks and 3 days now. I thought I was strong enough for this. I'm driving up and down this road to make sure I can contribute to giving my family a comfortable start. Tony's working hard through it all, but I don't want him to do it alone. Man, I would have quit a long time ago, but I need the coverage and the pay. I don't want to struggle. I feel bad that it doesn't seem like I'm trusting God enough to carry me through. I'm worried about not finding a job while I'm on leave. Worried that I might punk out and go back to the job I hate because I'm scared we won't have a means to and end. I'm worried we won't have food while I can't bring in the extra income. Concerns, concerns, concerns...that's all I have. I just want to enjoy anticipating the birth of my son, but I can't. Am I exaggerating? Could this depression I think I'm feeling be hormones? I don't know world....

This is Flyy Preggo OUT!!

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