Sunday, June 27, 2010

Hangin' up the Dancin' Shoes...

This weekend, I went out with a few friends for a closer friend's bday. It was a two-night affair: drinking(for them), dancing, socializing---the usual components to a night of fellowshiping with the homies. Friday evening we went to Wet Willie's--a bar with awesome liquor slushie drinks of any flavor you can imagine. Of course, the night started with a bit of a pre-game at one of the girls''s tradition to take a few shots before going out because, recession or not, drinks at the bar are expensive! Almost immediately I'm deemed the designated driver for the night, which I didn't mind so much---we're over those days of drinking ourselves into an oblivion, to the point where we can't withstand the 4-inch heels we love so much. So it wasn't like I was babysitting. Comes with age, I suppose. We've never been ones to be sloppy anyway. At any rate, the outting was nice. When we got to the bar, I saw friends I haven't seen in a while, we joked and we laughed over my virgin drink. What's even funnier is that a little cutie came up to me; I watched him get his swag right before he approached me: "You got a man?" he asks. "Yes, I do actually," I respond. "Well, can I give you my number?" "Sir, I don't even want to beat around the bush, I'm pregnant. I'm only telling you so you don't persist when I tell you no," I say. It's funny how I get all proper, huh? Anyway, with that, the guy shakes my hand and tells me that he appreciates me for telling him so he doesn't get caught up. He even went so far as to claim that he wishes I was his girl because I'm "holding it down for my man," lol...guess that's a guy's dream. I'm not going to lie, being approached gave me a boost of confidence because I felt fat and my feet hurt and my baby acne isn't all the way under control. Call me shallow...every woman needs that sometimes, to know she's still got it! lol.
The next night we went to dinner in uptown Charlotte. It was a really nice establishment called Mez. The menu consisted of everything from crab cakes to fillet Mignon. Of course there was a pretty extensive wine selection also. And it smelled so good on everyone's breath. There were bottles at the table and I wanted to partake, but I know I have a greater wasn't an itch to drink---like an alchy. It was a desire to be fully involved with the social drinking swirling around me. I don't's a fine line I guess. The same feeling came back when we went to wind down at a lounge called Cosmo's. They have the best martinis I've ever had. I had to fight my natural instinct order my usual $8 Flirtini and laugh with the rest of them. But I had to watch my bestie order the new cherry limade martini without trying a sip myself. Now, I'm not saying all of this to express some sort of regret for making the decision to carry Jr. My child's life is very precious to me and I take it seriously enough not to even try red wine---which I read pregnant woman CAN drink. I only want to acknowledge that this time out with my friends was a milestone/realization/wake-up call for me.
I'm at the end of my first trimester. I said I'd wear my 4-inches as long as I can fit my dainty feet into the strappy summer sandals. And I said I'd go out as long as I can fit into my Little Black Dress without showing how much Jr. has extended my waist line. But the truth is, I'm already slowing down! I was out with the homies and didn't really get to have the fun I used to because I was so sleepy (mind you, I took a looonnggg nap before we stepped out). I was stressing about how much I have in my bank account before I splurged on a meal that I knew I wouldn't finish. I'm growing tired of the feeling that I have to pee every 2 minutes---then holding it because I don't feel like walking to the ladies' room. As everyone snapped photos and sipped on their wine, all I thought about was how I'm 13 weeks and Jr. has fingerprints now. Then I marveled at the fact that Jr. is going to start to pick up weight faster now, so I can finally begin to feel the kicks on a regular basis. I thought about how I should have done my laundry so I didn't have to wear such a short get up, the only clean item in my closet. Let's face it: an LBD on me now-a-days isn't as comfortable to wear when it keeps riding up my leg because of a small belly and a previously existing, rather round behind;) I hated that I was asked continuously if I'm OK because I make a funny face. Or if I can walk a certain distance and handle standing a certain period of time. My feet would hurt in my Aldo strappys before I was pregnant; I wouldn't want to walk 3 blocks before Jr. got here! I had to tell my pal that I'm not handicapped, just carrying life and we're fine. I cringe thinking of the coming months when this concern for my condition becomes more present, when I'm catered to by people who barely know me because they'll assume I won't be able to lift a glass to my mouth for a swig of water. Then there are those people who want to rub the belly---Lord! I used to be one of those people and now it's coming back to bite me. It just makes me feel uncomfortable when I'm put on the spot for some of this foolishness. Now, I know this is all out of love; my homies are just concerned and I am after all the first to have a baby. So, they're trying to adjust as well...they include me in all activities as if nothing changed. I appreciate it, but I'm thinking it's time to hibernate from the nightlife for a while. I never wanted to be the one under my man all the time, but I'm not going to spend all my Saturday nights alone! I hope you're reading this Babe, lol. I'll have to miss some of the summer shindigs and fall affairs. By the winter, I'll be immersed in decorating Jr.'s room; that's going to be a party in itself:) So when you miss me in the streets, just know I'd love to be running them with you. Be sure to invite me to your house for a plate of food the next day to tell me all about the crazy weekend! Understand, I'll be back when I'm comfortable enough to be in the party scene again...
This is Flyy Preggo, OUT!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Money, Money, Money...

I need a financial advisor. I am admitting to the world that I have a spending problem. Never been good at keeping money in my pocket. For instance, I got paid last week and like every pay period, I wrote a list of the bills I pay mid month; I scratch off what I pay as I go. I made sure I paid my cable, Internet, and phone bill. I have a payment on this furniture set I bought for my room, I have my Citi student loan payment and depending on if I took care of the first half of my phone bill Verizon gets a piece of my check too. I'm good at paying all of my bills first at least...I thank God I have the money to pay my obligations, but then there is the rest of my money. I usually have a pretty good nest egg to get me through the two weeks until payday, so I'll buy groceries, maybe a new pump, an outfit to go with the pump. I used to buy drinks at the bar when I went out...then I'll buy the snacks after Tony gets us into the movies---and we go to the movies just about every weekend. I like to eat out, so that's another swipe of the card...get my drift? I have absolutely no discipline when it comes to money. So, despite the fact that I have this banging income for a single gal in America, I'm living paycheck to paycheck. I have the mentality that I shouldn't have money in between my pay periods, I spend it because I have it and I know my pockets will be replenished come the first or the fifteenth! It's ridiculous that I feel like I have to spend my money just because I have it. I have no idea where this comes from, guys. I even took the initiative to set up my payroll so that 10% of my checks go straight into a credit union I opened a savings account at. It works because each pay period my savings account increases by about $100; I've been doing this for a while now, actually, but only have like $66 in my savings right now. That's right folks...I dip in there too! My man is so much better at holding onto money than I am, so I went to him and asked him to help me save. I wanted to give him the money I put aside, but he says that I should do this on my own to be more responsible...I suppose he's right. I need help!
And what's more is that I can't bring Jr. into the world and continue to practice my bad spending habits. This is something I've known for a while: I've always told myself that I'd chill on buying useless things because I want to have the funds to spend on a nice wedding for me and my love; or for a beautiful brick home with a sun room, home office, and a nice yard; or to put towards a down payment on a sexy white range rover --- I'd call her Pearl;) Most importantly, I want to be able to pay for Jr.'s piano or ballet lessons; I want to make sure Jr. has the most stylish cleats for football practice and throwback Jordan's that will make the other kids jealous. Jr. should have a flourishing college fund, whether he or she wants to go to continue school or not...see? I want my child to have the very best. Something my parents couldn't really give me because they were so young when they had me--and yea, I turned out great but I just want the option to completely spoil my kid because he or she will be great too and totally deserve it! But I have a few things to get in order first.
Since I'm no financial genius I can only do what I know to help myself get this monkey off my back, lol. The first phase of my plan is to pay off as much of my debt that I can handle right now. The bulk of that is coming from Jr.---already! I have about 6 doctor bills that I've been keep tracking of so far. One bill alone includes charges for the office visit, the urine sample, the blood work, the paps test---oh! And that beautiful picture that you're so overjoyed to get because it allows you to see your child?? yea, the ultrasound...that by itself it $142---it's under the "my responsibility" tab on the explanation of benefits I got from my insurance company...*sigh* . The bills keep coming, I'm surprised they don't charge a sitting fee for allowing me to wait in the office or $50 for a handshake when I meet my doctor. They may as well charge me the gowns they make me wear when I have to undress from the waist down---Momma always said "aint nothin for free"! I at least want to get as much as I can under control so Tony and I aren't strapped when it comes to spending the real money.
The second part of the phase is to find an apartment to house our new family. We've looked at 5 different apartments together so far. They're all in our price range except one---of course this is the one with the elaborate fitness center, sizable pool, and movie theater! Some of the units even have the perfect space for me to set up my work at home office. Why we went to this place, I don't know but I fell in love with it straight away. The place is about $350 out of our agreed range, but it includes water, utilities, cable, and sewage--totally worth it. Seeing this place made me wonder: if I had my finances together, could we move in? I want to live in a comfortable neighborhood with great benefits and a playground for Jr., but I want to be able to afford pampers too! It was a wake up call for me, not just these particular apartments but looking for a place, in general. I'm going to have to be on a more strict budget, then. I can't have my kid (or me) wanting for anything. I know Tony's here to take care of us, but I can't be anything but a contributing part of our relationship. We're in this together and I guess a little birdie decided to tell me today that it's time to grow up...
This is Flyy Preggo, OUT!!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

4 years ago today...

Four years ago today, almost to the hour, my boyfriend and I made our relationship official. He took me out to dinner at California Dreaming--it was 3 months that day we met. I had the shrimp, he had the chicken (I'm kidding, I don't remember, lol). I wasn't old enough to drink, so I had a coke...I'm sure of that! Sounds romantic, right? Well, I thought he would ask the "big question" there but the ambiance was all wrong. It was loud, the food wasn't that great, and I was cold. So anyway, Tony asked me to be his girl while we were watching The Wedding Crashers on DVD after dinner that night. It was cute and just right. We've been together ever since and I love him with everything I have. Through all of our trials, I'm growing and learning so much more about myself. It's crazy how different we are, though: I'm loud, he's not. I'm a planner, he says: "take it a day at a time, Babe". I can be pretty spastic, but he's so calm and patient. When I'm in one of my erratic states, Tony's consistency calms me down. I think that's what makes relationships work: you absolutely have to have more opposing qualities than not with your significant other.
The relationship hasn't been perfect, by any means. We've been making it work 70 miles apart. He's from home and I just never left the city I went to college in. This was a major issue when I was younger and thought I was going to die if we didn't breathe the same air! But now, I'm OK with not seeing him all the time, although I miss him when we're not together. The long distance took a toll a couple of times, we took "breaks" from being boyfriend-girlfriend. I guess the challenges got to us. But we never acted like we were broken up...I think the longest we went without talking was 4 days! Last year was our longest separation; we are recently back together and I guess we just missed each other so much we just had to make a baby;) Anyway, the time "without" him made me realize what I needed to work on for myself and vice versa. We're much better for each other now. Good thing too, we have a kid to raise! And this in itself raises concerns...
I plan to finally make that move back home to be with him and care for our son or daughter(wow, that's the first time I've said that to myself). We have already talked about moving in, actually we finalized our decision the weekend before I found out about Jr. !I'm excited to start this chapter together...I know we'll have a great future, but I never thought I would have to be worried about getting used to living with a man and getting used to raising a child all at once. I mean, we've been together long enough to know how we each live day to day. I know it bothers him when I brush my hair and leave it the shedding on the floor. He still hasn't learned to put the toilet seat down when he's done with his business. Those are just tiny issues. I'm worried about learning to cook more than spaghetti and fried chicken. Those meals are not going to be enough now that I'll see him a lot more---gotta master a few more dishes! I have to pick up after myself more (he hates when I leave clothes all over the floor in MY ROOM) because he's way more of a neat freak than I am. There are several other things we have to get used to about each other, which is common. We have to simultaneously mesh parenting styles as well. I love Disney, but Tony didn't grow up watching that. (Side rant: what kid hasn't seen all the Disney movies ever made??? So, that's something I'll introduce Jr. and Tony to when we go to Disney World...I just can't budge on that, lol). I'll be the more affectionate parent--Tony wants to spank; I think there are more effective ways to handle bad behavior (it's the psychologist in me). I want to breastfeed, he thought we were going to buy formula. We can't even agree on a baby name! This list goes on forever.
I'm working on getting out of being such a worry wart---it's my mid-year resolution. I'm confident that Tony will be an absolute great father. He's good with the kids I've seen him with, anyway lol. We have two personalities that will turn this kid into a strong, loving, organized, nonchalant, friendly, hardworking member of society. Who knew, 4 years ago that I'd be having your baby, Baby?? I love you, Happy 4 years today... ***thank you God for linking me to this wonderful man for at least another 18 years (haha)*** .

This is Flyy Preggo, OUT!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

My Janky Spirituality

***************Lord please guide my hands as I write this entry, Amen*********************
I haven't been to church in years before today. The only reason I went was because it was a part of the itinerary for my sorority's weekend retreat---I was even a little hesitant about it then. And it's not because I'm a total heathen, it's just something about being in that setting that bothers me. For most of the time there, this morning, I couldn't concentrate on anything but how uncomfortable I was. It kind of hindered me from really learning anything. I almost forgot how to act in church, I barely wore the right thing! When do I stand up? Do I have to stand each time the pastor says? Do I have to clap? If I don't know the song, will this look bad? Don't get me wrong... I love God, I have a personal relationship with him and I feel like that's enough. I pray to Him everyday, I know he's the reason I'm where I am: my life's good overall and I know it's not because of me. I believe all the stories in the bible and plan to teach them to Jr.; I even plan to raise Jr. in the church like I I guess I should get myself in check, huh? After studying the psyche in undergrad, I feel like I need to find the root of the problem I have and try to fix it. In keeping with the Freudian theory, I suppose it was some sort of traumatic event that kind of turned me off.
My brother and I grew up as the youth pastor's kids. You could find us at Vacation Bible School each summer. During the year we would be at Sunday school, bible study during the week, and church productions. And now that I'm thinking of it, it may have been my parent's separation that threw me. My mother is great and did her best as a single mom, in fact, both of my parents did a fair job of keeping normalcy for me and my brother. I think this may be the first time I'm admitting that I was probably mad at God for not keeping my family together(although, I'm older and understand why we are not now). It's a common case of how a broken home affects the kid--no real need to probe that issue. But when it was just me, Mommy, and my brother it was like I suddenly had an option: I didn't have to go to church each week. And I did most of the time, but eventually I just went for Christmas; then it was just for Good Friday; now I don't even go to church for Easter. I used to feel bad about it and it's even worse that I've come to live with it!
I don't want to raise my child in a home that isn't anointed with the Holy Spirit or blessed and highly favored and all that. I plan on making things right, but I feel like it would be so....what's the word? Forced? No...I mean, it would be totally sincere; I want Jr. to love God and know why they're here. But, I always thought I would do that when I was married and THEN had a kid. So, me and my nuclear family would stroll to church every Sunday to pay our tithes and be fed the Good Word. Am I going to continually blessed even though I'm planning to "live in sin" by September? Or will I be smiled upon because I'm trying to have a good family structure for my child? When I do start to go to church, will I feel guilty when the pastor preaches about the "right way to live". These are all true concerns of mine and I think instead of dealing with it, I just don't go to fellowship like we are taught to do. I would rather live without being judged for drinking (when I could) or cursing like a sailor or spending my offering money on a new weave...And I realize as I write this, I need to rebuke the devil for planting these excuses in me. I learned today at church that I need to empty myself of these cop-outs so I can be filled with the what God has to offer me. With the peace he can give me, maybe I won't be so stressed about my job, I could take complete joy in the miracle growing inside me instead of worrying about money and how I can afford it. I could have a positive outlook on my life, period. I worry so much about things and have no patience when it comes to a lot of instances. I'm sure if I give it to Him like I should, that would go away. But I'm only human and don't see this happening anytime soon. I have a lot of work to do on myself. I plan to get a hold on my janky spirituality, lol...I just have to take it one day at a time--for me and my baby.
Peace and Blessings....This is Flyy Preggo, OUT!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010 BFF

Ever since I've come to find out about Jr., I've joined a website called (as recommended by my aunt,Hope, who is a new mommy herself). This place encompasses all sorts of information about things from your pregnancy (all 40 weeks) to what to do when the baby is here to how to parent the child from a toddler to a 9 year old! Hopefully by that age, I'll know what I'm doing lol. There also other fun things like recipes for new moms to feed a developing child, partnerships with companies that sell all sorts of baby products--and give coupons. You can find blogs and Q&A links. I even found this portion of the site that takes the horoscopes of the mom and dad to predict the parenting styles; and I got to see the kind of personality my baby Capricorn is going to have:)
My favorite part is the email I get each week the baby grows. They come straight to my phone every Saturday when Jr's a week older. At first, it wasn't so exciting...what's so great about reading on a tiny ball of cells? Or an alien looking thing with a tail and webbed hands and feet? When I was about 6 weeks things started to get pretty cool. The boo and I were able to hear the heartbeat at our first ultrasound and see the head, legs, and feet! But there still wasn't much action after that. Now, my love is the likeness of a real human, officially called a fetus in the 10th week! The fun can begin, because now Jr. will begin to double in size and then I'll be able to feel it kick! Can't wait for that. Jr. now has nails, hair, all its organs---wow...aint God great?! I can bore you about all the things I've learned, Lord knows I keep my nose in a pregnancy or a baby book. But I'll conclude this by letting you know I'm definitely going to keep you posted.
When you watch TV, you get the glamorous side of pregnancy: the cute maternity clothes(which I refuse to buy); the even cuter tummy; the glowing skin; the long beautiful locks I'm supposed to get. I watched on Tyra, I think, that my nails get stronger too. But when am I going to read about how to deal with the gas? What about the constipation? These things are not fun! Not to mention that I like to go out and socialize, yet haven't found the energy to even stay up and watch Family Guy at 11pm on Adult Swim! You know I love that show:) Anyway, there are some things I wish I was warned about---and I'm not talking about the nice way the books put it, with their P.C. advice as to how to handle flatulence. I wanna know what cream to use when my neck gets black! I want to know what to eat to make sure my uterus snaps back in less than a week after delivery! I actually read today that I shouldn't use certain creams just to stop the stretch marks! uh---why not? Me and the boo don't want to look at that forever, lol. I mean, can you put me under right after delivery for a tummy tuck? Just put me on another table and transfer me to the adjacent wing. And what about the foods the baby "doesn't like"? The books say that there will be certain things I won't have a taste for...this is a possible indication the baby isn't feeling it. One of my friends told me her son made her hate her favorite cereal---I haven't tried to eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch yet with the bun in the oven, but I'd be highly upset if he/she didn't like all that sugary goodness! I've already discovered Jr. hates green apples. I tried 2 days in a row to eat one, calling myself partaking in a healthy diet--not! It made me feel sick, like it was burning or something going down my throat...never happened before:( Needless to say, I had to scratch that off the list.
And you know what? the one thing that frustrates me the most is that I don't really have an appetite anymore. It's not just because my taste buds suddenly don't agree with me, either. I mean, I'll cook a whole meal: pork chops, mashed taters, corn---and eat one bite. That's not me! I was eating more like a pregnant woman BEFORE Jr...what sense does that make? It's been going on the last few weeks and I'm kind of concerned that I'm starving the poor chap. My man tells me not to be too hard on myself, but I can't help that I feel like a failure. Is that normal? I'll let you know when I talk to my doctor in 2 But for now, I'll be boiling some crab legs for my weekly dose of seafood. Apparently I can't eat anything that's been in the water because of the mercury content, so we look forward to this!!
This is Flyy Preggo...OUT!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

The Journey Begins...

It was April 20th, 2010. I was at work, dealing with the normal duties required of me on the job: answering phones for clients who are mad at me because their car notes are late. I This day, I was totally preoccupied because I'm 5 days late on my period, and for some reason I decide to take a pregnancy test on my lunch break. Needless to say, I flipped when I read the positive results! I called out for the rest of the day(and even took the next 2 days off), then called my girls to try to figure all this out. Over the next few hours of this day, I told my boyfriend, my mom, and my brother the news. The boo was extremely calm and supportive--as usual. My mom is so excited about being a grandmother and my brother is shocked, but happy. I have all of these people around me who are supportive and can't wait to meet JR...yet, honestly I'm thinking selfishly of other things....
I'm only 24...I work a FT job with great benefits and excellent pay. Every paycheck I'm spending my money on the latest fashions at Forever21(or XXI, lol)....I hit up ALDO every other week for a new fierce pump, strappy sandal, or bodacious bag(I like 'em big). I love to hang out at the hottest bars in Charlotte, NC and eat at the best restaurants in town. I like to travel, had even planned a trip to NY for the first time in life...and then this happened. I mean, I'm certainly not living the life of the Rich and Famous, more like the Upper Middle Class and Popular. Nonetheless, I loved the fact that I have freedom to roam wherever I please and splurge on what I want. They say babies change things though... "You have to think of someone else before yourself"; "babies cost an estimated $10,000 in their first year---of life!"; "infants require so much attention"...blahblahblah. I knew all of this and even watch some live horror stories of my friends who do have kids and have to deal with jerks---aka trifling baby daddies. At this point,my head is swimming with all kinds of things will i keep up my cute appearance when I'm gaining weight at a consistent rate? How will my feet fit in my new strappy's I just bought? Will I even get to see my feet? The attention craver in me even wonders if I'll still be able to turn heads...hey, everyone has a baby Narcissus inside them:) Luckily, the bulk of my superficial worries have subsided. These concerns take me back to when I first found out about JR. and I was only 3.5 weeks....
But now, I'm 10 weeks and have a totally different outlook on life. My boyfriend and I are excited and I think we'll make great parents. My family is supportive. My sorority sisters are always down and I know will always be there for me. I still have that job that will support my new family, and so does the boo. I'm looking forward to a new life and can't wait to meet the baby in December 2010. I naturally worry about everything in life, so I still have some nagging thoughts about money, how to hold the chap, and if breastfeeding is really as bad as every new mother says. I'm hoping that this new experience is going to teach me a thing or two about myself...we'll see, huh?
I was advised to start this blog because writing is therapeutic. I'm happy to get back to doing what I love...this should be fun. So I'll be back with other random and stories as they come to me, even if no one listens, lol...

This is Flyy Preggo, OUT...