Just what I was Feeling at the Time...

I don't really have anything particular to talk about this entry. I just want to vent about my day. And I don't really blame Jr. for this, so please don't take it that way:)
I woke up this morning drained of pretty much all energy. I've been feeling that way lately. I'll try to go to bed early to make sure that I am ready to take on the day's tasks. I eat breakfast now because I'm feeding more than me. I take naps during my lunch breaks (advantages of working from home). And I hate to admit that I snack on candy in lou of an energy drink as an attempt to stay awake. None of these methods work. I thought that I may be out of the phase where I'm always tired. I've read that life should be easier now that I'm in my second trimester. "They" say most women feel at their best during this time. But maybe it works backwards for me. I didn't have morning sickness, I didn't have constipation, I didn't miss any work---it's been smooth sailing my entire pregnancy so far. But the transition into the fourth month has been hard. And, I can't blame Jr...at all. I would say the only thing that I can credit my bad mood today is the stress of whether I was going to keep my job(thankfully, I am...long story and as I am not the authorized spokesperson for the recent turn of events at my job, you won't hear it from me lol). This inner struggle of whether I should/can relocate to bring my family together is also taking its toll. Finding a job at home is coming together, but it's not as seamless as I'd like it. There are just soooo many things I'm faced with currently. Instead of taking joy in the fact that Jr.'s starting to move(which hurts by the way) and how I'll decorate my new place with Tony, I have to deal with small doubts and another major decision...
Bringing this back to the baby, Tony and I have a prenatal appointment Monday. I'll be 16 weeks by then and the doctor wants to discuss the amniocentisis test. It's a procedure they do to determine any birth defects Jr. may have like down syndrome, spinal bifida, or trisomy 18(another form of down syndrome). The fact that there could be anything that may cause my child to have a hard life is truly nerve wrecking. I don't know how I would handle the news if something did come back positive for this test. Some women get the CVS test, which is done for the same reason in the first trimester. Doing it this early gives those women time to decide if they want to abort...I know right! The decisions we women must make are tough! To add even more concern, the test itself can cause a miscarraige! I believe my doctor does it in the second trimester bc it's "safer", but what do they know? I have been doing research online to see how the amniocentisis is done and it doesn't sound fun at all. Mind you, I'll take a needle in the belly or in my girly parts for Jr. But I don't want to do anything that would harm him or her... So far, I'm against taking the test and Tony supports me in whatever. I told myself that knowing that these complications didn't run in mine or Tony's family is enough information and confirmation for me not to go through with it. But after talking to friends who were in my position once, I am a little on the fence. It would make sense to get this done so I can just know, right? So I can enjoy the rest of the pregnancy by playing with Jr. as he or she kicks me; finally finding out what Jr. really is(I know the sex Aug. 16TH); being able to buy things for Jr. and talk about a baby shower theme. If the test were to go another way, I would be worried about researching the illness and getting a head start on getting the best child care---school care even for my special needs child! It's a lot to think about on top of this transition into a new chapter into my life. It's a lot to deal with during a possible relocation. It's just a lot...almost too much. Everything seems to be weighing down on me because of the major choices I must make all at one time; but I know I can't let it stress me out.
I've been going to church lately to find the peace I've been looking for. I've found it. I'm finally starting to live with a more positive outlook. It's so hard to do that, but I know God's got me. When I got back into church, I had to realize He never left me...I've always been favored. And I've always worried for no reason. So, I'll work harder on getting rid of the latter part of the equation. I'll continue to trust and believe that whatever happens is meant to. I'll know that no matter what happens, I'm strong enough to deal with it. In the meantime, I'll try to keep my negative moodswings in check because there's no real sense in me sulking. I have an awesome God who will pull me through and turn things around for me. Yea, I feel better getting this out even if you don't read it, lol
This is Flyy Preggo, OUT!