I had an appointment today. It was my first one without Tony; he had to go to work:( It sucked because I had to get a shot today...in my butt cheek. I forget what it's called, but it's to protect Karter and me as our blood mixes. Since I'm a negative blood type, I had to get it to make sure we're healthy...at least that's how I understood it. I got to ask a lot of questions today. I had a lot of the things figured out since our last visit. I found a pediatrician, decided who will carry Karter on their insurance, and even got a brand new crib on the way from Tony's mom! So, I feel like I have a lot of things under control. But the truth is I'm deathly afraid...
Remember I told you I'm a planner to the core? I knew there would be a day when I realized that preparation just wouldn't be good enough. Giving birth is the most unpredictable event in life. I think that's the first thing that mortifies me. I don't know where I'm going to be or how it's going to feel when it all goes down. It's like waiting for Jesus to come back, man! What if I'm driving alone someplace and I'm hit with a contraction? Even worse, what if I'm at work and my water breaks? Now, recall that I work about and hour away from home. I plan to work until I can't anymore---only becuase of this acquisition I just underwent at work. The coverage sucks and there's no maternity leave. So needless to say, my plan is to work as close to the due date as possible so I can maximize my time out...at least I'm entitled to FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act). Anyway, I'm thinking of other things like going to the bathroom and not even knowing the water broke and then getting up and seeing Karter swimming in the toilet! It's crazy, I know...I'm exaggerating. But the surprise of labor is the biggest issue I have with this whole thing. I tried to get an idea of what the contraction will feel like, but my doctor couldn't really explain. Maybe she didn't want to get into it because these things vary per woman. Maybe she didn't want to scare me. It's too late, though. I've heard horror stories more frequently lately. I think I have a sign on me that says: "PLEASE SHARE YOUR CHILDBIRTH EXPERIENCE WITH ME"; it must be invisible because I don't see this on my forehead when I look in the mirror every morning. Crazy...I mean, I don't care that you were ripped front to back and had to get staples because your baby was 13 pounds at birth. I don't care to hear that you were in labor for 3 days and THEN your doctor decided to give you a C-Section. I kid you not, guys. People love to talk to me about this stuff. I just grimace and listen to as much as I can. When the stories are done, they always end with "But he will be the best thing that ever happened to you". All I can think about it the unforgettable image they just gave me. I was also telling my doctor today that I don't have a clue how to deliver a kid; she just told me that most women don't their first time around. But I really meant that I'm nervous because I don't think I'll have time for a childbirthing class. I want to take one, desperately...it's all a part of "the plan". I hope to get into one, at least so it can ease my anxiety!
On top of it all, I'm getting tired of being pregnant. I love my son, but it's getting harder. I think I mentioned that I have been hit with the common ailments we pregnant women deal with. It seems like all mine came at the last minute. It's not fair! I can't eat like I want because all of my food stays in my chest...all due to my stomach shrinking. I have to shift positions several times a day to get comfortable, whether I'm sitting or sleeping or standing. I had the WORST charlie horse in my leg the other night and the leg cramps are becoming more frequent. Babycenter.com tells me I'm in the homestretch, being 30 weeks. I hope this time flies because my boobs are heavy too. I've always wanted them to be larger, lol...but I'm not into this anymore. It's not like I can go wear a sexy tee to show them off, right? Karter's so active, and I love it. Even though sometimes it hurts, at least by now I've figured out his cycle. And by him abusing my ribs, at least I know he's ok. I'm counting the days, guys...he'll be here soon and when he is I can go back to being normal again. I think I'll be able to bounce back, don't you? lol
THIS IS FLYY PREGGO, OUT!